“A child who does not play is not a child, but the man who does not play has lost forever the child who lived in him.”
⁃ Pablo Neruda
My children reminded me how to be. How to move naturally yesterday. To be child like and just enjoy the present.
For weeks, actually months my older 2 daughters have been nagging and nagging to come along for a run with me. I submitted and agreed they could come. In fact I’ve given them two days they can run with me. Full on runs for them but nice active rest runs for me. When I normally run I think too much. How my stride is, what my body position is doing, checking my pace. It isn’t normally until 3-4 miles in that I find a steady relaxed pace and some what quieten down my inner dialogue. Only then do I begin to enjoy it.
We set off at a comfortable pace for us all. Not once did I think about what I was doing. I was checking on my daughters, making sure it wasn’t too tough on them. Encouraging them when they found it tough. Living and laughing together. Hearing them saying they are proud of themselves, learning to push through when it’s tough. To know and feel achievement.
Something I haven’t done on a run since I don’t know when.
I run as a necessity not a want or something I like to do. Now I’m counting down the days to our next run together.
Now I’m paying attention to playing. To been child like. What’s the point of been fit for life if you don’t play and enjoy it.
Now If i could just sit in a seated squat like my 2 year old.
live like jay. Be like Goggins.
“Stay wild, Stay child”
I often have glimpses into the future, futures I’d like to see.
I sometimes tell them not to. Tell them it’s rude. But lately I don’t.
Rude to who? Not to me.
To see them every morning enjoying their breakfast enjoying food. Draining every drop of the bowl with full belly’s slurps, giggles and laughter as they do so.
At some point an adult will tell them it’s rude to do so. Like their older sisters who rarely do it now. They will stop doing it. Made to feel less because someone else may find it rude.
I like to think of a future in a partners house somewhere or maybe on holiday with their partners parents sitting down to a nice breakfast.
Draining their breakfast bowls. The parents aghast and saying how rude.
The partner loving them for doing it as much as I do.
Stay wild child, stay wild.
I envy those with passion.
I wish I had purpose and a direction to sail my ship in.
Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.
– Henry Wandsworth Longfellow
Today is a low low day.
Several little things all at once are affecting me at the moment. This time of year and the pressures it brings. A job that I don’t hate or dislike as such but one I would (if I could) give up tomorrow. Lots of little niggly things that are becoming a big pain, a constant pain. These two things with 2 very close reminders of how fragile life is. Learning of someone who died suddenly and someone’s parent who as just been given days to live after finding a tumour.
I am tired of floating through life. The older I get the closer the end is coming. The more I am aware of the pain I will cause my children when I die. I hope to be old enough to see them in to adulthood. Strong enough and wise enough to cope with it.
I don’t want them to think I just floated through life aimlessly. I’m tired of working bloody hard with little to show for it. Not material things, experiences. A feeling of having made a difference.
We have to work, it’s a huge chunk of your life to feel dissatisfied about. A chunk of life you can never get back. I recently met a man who retired at 55. I can’t imagine been able to retire let alone at an age which still allows me some time to be able to enjoy it.
The economy in the UK is becoming tighter and tighter. Month on month stretched and stretched. The problem with unstable economies means it’s harder to move or change directions. You need the security however uncomfortable and painful it may be on a daily basis when everything else is becoming unstable around you, especially when you are the sole provider.
Today has gotten to me. Its reminded me how fragile life is, and how I’m not living it.
Just thinking out loud.
The iPhone is 10 years old. In ten years we have become addicted to our little screens losing the art of small talk. Missing the world we live in. Unaware of our surroundings and those around us. Sat in the same room as people, totally disconnected from them.
The more we use technology and social media to be “connected” the more disconnected we become with the world.