Is it a lack of confidence.

So I recently posted that I had talked a lady out of buying a product from the company I worked for. (See previous post)

Three days after this I received a call asking if I would be interested in interviewing for a business development manager role??
Which I had no knowledge of what the role was or does. But after some research it is basically a trumped up sales role.

The irony.

I called and discussed it further with the recruiter who had found my CV on a job site as I am desperately seeking a job with financial security. In fact just a job with a regular wage.

I said I would go to the interview. But when it came to it I bottled it, there was once a time when I would of walked in talked the talk and said thanks very much when do I start.

But it meant taking the day off work.

A full days pay we can’t afford to lose.
So I told them no.
No mainly because I was scared, scared not only of been a days pay down but scared of going into the unknown. Also scared of the package that was available almost double what I am earning if I hit all the targets set. Scared of actually been okay for once. Which, is a really odd feeling.

Then they phoned back and said could I go on Monday. They really want to meet with you. Fortunately I had taken Monday and Tuesday as holiday as I have some to take by April.

So there was no harm in going. No excuses. 
On Sunday I had a massive flair up of IBS it seems I have a intolerance issue that I manage most days but when it flairs up it hits me hard.

So all Sunday night I was awake in agony and seriously anxious. I don’t think I have ever felt so anxious. I guess I just want that break and to know we have a regular wage coming into the home.

I got to the interview. In and out in 10 mins. Don’t laugh.

Can you do this. No.

Would you be able/ willing to do this. No.

Have you experience in this. No.

I thought why am I here. Morally I just would not be able to put my heart and soul into sales. I might turn into the same bully boy sales man tricking people into buying things they don’t need or can’t afford simply to hit targets to line a companies pockets.

So along with zero interest in the role. Zero motivation to do it and constantly been worried where the nearest toilet was. It was the quickest interview I have ever had.

But aye I had nothing to lose and possibly something to gain from attending it.

At least I sucked it up and attended, even if I was shit scared and on the verge of shitting myself.



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